fake it till you (do or do not) make it

This picture is not at all related to this post. We took it last week in Texas. Somewhere in that gold ornament you can find the four of us.

Welp. Today was one of those days. I consider myself pretty lucky that days like these come very rarely. But, today I was pretty sure my kids had it in for me. So, I decided I'd have to fake it today. I'd pretend I had my crap together and that I was super-mama. I'd do some laundry, feed the kids, play some puzzles, and I'd do it all with a smile on my face, dangit. 

My first step when "faking it" is getting dressed in an outfit I like. When I feel okay about what I look like, I tend to feel a bit more put-together emotionally as well. So, I put on one of my favorite gray shirts with my most comfortable jeans. Nothing fancy.

The just-okay day progressed, and J decided he'd rather babble and yell in his crib than nap, and S decided she'd cry for thirty minutes before finally falling asleep. An hour into her nap and J's yells woke her. And I'll tell you what...homegirl is NOT a happy camper when she's woken up before she's ready. Huge whinefest.

I took them out of their cribs and decided I needed to fake it some more. So I did what any normal woman does when she's starting to the feel the pressure: I curled my hair. Believe me, as I sit here and type this, I am realizing how nuts this is. While I curled my hair, I had both kids pulling things out of the drawers and yelling at each other. And I just curled on. Until S slammed J's fingers in one of the drawers and J tried to retaliate by poking her in the eye. I actually watched him point his little finger and aim for her eye. 

So, then I decided I'd put on my faux fur vest. My hair was curled and I had my cute vest on. "I've TOTALLY got this!" I thought. I checked for broken fingers and that all eyes were intact. But, all I wanted to do was grab a monstrously huge bowl of pretzels, have my kids go at it and lock the door to my room with me inside it.

We had a few minutes to get ready before the kids' music classes, so I asked S to please stand by the door while I changed Pato's diaper. This boy poops ALL the time. I don't even know how he does it. But they were both whining and whining and getting mad at each other...so I ran to the bathroom. I grabbed my make-up bag and put on my favorite red lipstick. Faking some more.

"I've got this."

Somehow I got their diapers changed and matching shoes put on their feet. I normally pack a light dinner for the kids since we don't get home till close to bedtime, but all I could manage was to grab a half-full box of unwashed grapes and one pack of pretzels. Did I mention S followed me around the kitchen saying, "Sowwy, Mama. Sowwy." My little love knew I was feeling out of sorts and was saying sorry. Just rip my heart out, why dontcha?! She is very sensitive and can easily pick up on changes of emotions. Oh, I love her.

We made it to music class and we had fun. Eventually, everything was okay. I didn't even have to pull out the gold jewelry. Phew.

Why am I writing this? Because I felt sort of silly showing up to music class in faux fur and red lipstick just because I was trying to talk myself into thinking I could handle it all. No one is expecting me to be supermom. Sometimes, I just have to sit back and be okay with the house being a disaster. As I talked to one of my best mama friends on the way to music class to gather my sanity, she assured me that sometimes, it's really okay to just NOT have it all together.

I'll admit...the red lipstick did help. A bit :)