hopefully you won't see me on the front page

Tuesday, December 31, 2013


So, I have this fear. Bare with me. It is admittedly equal parts completely over-dramatic/ unrealistic/ nuts. I have this fear that one morning I will wake up, walk out to get the paper (note: we definitely do not to even subscribe to a paper to be "got") and the front page will read one headline that reads in big black and bold ink (the BBB's) the following: Karim Jones is fraud! 

Now, I know what you might be thinking.

A) What in the world is this girl rambling on about NOW?
B) This looks like it's going to be a long wordy post. I have no desire to sit through this. 
C) Are there going to be pictures of her kids? Because that's all I really care to see. (I don't blame you. If you are thinking this, please do skip this post and peruse my previous posts that are loaded with pictures of the kids. I'd do the same.) 
D) Well, this is just absurd. True, newspapers subscriptions have really been hit in recent years, but there is no way they'd turn to an almost 27-year old mother of two who often has crayon on her pants to magically drive up sales. (And actually, right now it's not crayon. It's bits of Pato's chewed-up quesadilla. See? Galmorous. Who WOULDN'T want to jump to read a newspaper story about me?!) 

If you are still reading this, then I will try to not make this too painful for you to sit through.

SO. Why do I have this really dumb fear? (Because truly, in my head, it's not a matter of "if" this will happen, and more of "when?" But, maybe it won't appear in the papers.) Why do I feel like someone's light will click, and that the news that I'm a fraud will spread like wildfire? Simple...I'm admitting that I'm not the person I want to be. I'm not patient enough or considerate enough. I could be a better friend. I'm not always the most dependable. (That's a tough one to admit.) I don't remember birthdays.  I've spent way too much time on gossip. (Also, tough to admit.) And, more often than not, I'd much rather run away from my problems rather than face them.

But, I'm also not a person I don't want to be. Does that make any sense? I don't want anyone to get the idea that I like to sit at home and gleefully think, "Who will be he lucky recipient of my horrible-ness today?" It's not like that. 

Then, 2013 happened to me and my family. This was my growing year. I learned some hard things, and learned that I couldn't just let things happen to me. I needed to make them happen. 

I feel like I finally became an adult and started to think about grown-up things. I feel like I am finally beginning to figure out WHO I really am. I thought I knew before, but I know much better now. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. 

This is the year that I really want to start being the person I want and aspire to be. I know this is a life-long process, but I'm ready to start.

I want to say "thank you" more.
I want to be a better listener instead of trying to just be a solver. 
I don't want to sweat the small stuff. 
I want get on the floor more to play with my children. 

I am finally at a point where I actually sorta really like myself, but I know I can be so much more. I don't want to be Karim 1.0 anymore because I know the newer model(s) are capable of more. 

2013 had a lot of ups, but it also had a lot of downs. I'd be lying if I said I was sad to see it go. I have big hopes for 2014 and even bigger hopes for a better me.

 

But, I mean, at the end of the day these two always make me feel like a million bucks.

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