I love you. And I like you.

If I'm up, she's down. If I'm this way, she's the other way. For the past few weeks, we've been on completely different pages. Different books. Different libraries even. I opened up about it recently about this on social media lately, and was amazed at how many other moms said, "Me too. I'm struggling, too." I have had people send me private messages to tell me that they appreciated my honesty. I'd be lying if I said it didn't comfort me a bit to know that there are other people out there who struggle remembering why they like their kids sometimes. Heaven knows I love this girl so dearly. I miss her when she's in school and she truly opened up the windows and let in the light when she was born. But, we've been getting so frustrated with each other because apparently all my ideas and my requests are the.worst.thing.ever and she's not afraid to say so. 

But, you know, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that when these little phases last, I just have to out-last them. I feel like we are finally coming out of it, and the last few days have been really pretty good. This morning she was even pretty delightful. Here's the thing though. As frustrated as we both get, we both can't get enough of each other. We always come back together and she becomes my little girl again. The little girl who loves bunnies and ballerinas and cuddling while getting her back scratched. She is my little best friend, and I'm up for every roller coaster of emotions that will come my way. I just can't promise that I won't throw up. 

S's bow c/o of Free Babes Handmade. S insisted on that I add the bow after I had already put it up in the bun. So typical :)

**Also, I forgot to share this already, but here was last month's post for What to Expect. This was a fun one to write, because I talked about things that I wouldn't normally share on social media. You can find the post HERE.

Next-Level German Pancake

Now, listen. I would never pretend to be a good cook. I can follow directions all right I think. But, I feel like I'm always either cleaning up after a meal or making another. I've truly just about had it with the question, "Mammmma. I want something to eat. What can I haaaaave?" So lately, I've been trying to beef up our breakfasts so that I know the kids start off the day with full bellies. That way I can turn around and say, "No. I know for a FACT that you're not starving!"

The newest breakfast we've added to our arsenal is the German apple pancake. A couple of weeks ago, C posted on Facebook something about loving his cast iron skillet, and someone suggested this recipe. Now, I normally am not on Facebook very super often, and I don't look at people's walls often either (even my husband's- no offense, love!) but I happened to look at this recipe and I about died just looking at it. I normally leave all the cast iron skillet-ing to C, but I have to admit, I may now ask for shared custody of this bad boy.

So, as promised, here's the recipe for ya (taken from Dandelion Mama.)

You will need...

- 1/2 stick butter, melted
- 2 large firm apples peeled, cored and sliced into wedges (I used Honeycrisp apples)
- 1/2 cup whole milk
- 4 large eggs
- 3 tbsp sugar (I mayyyy or may not have upped that up a bit)
- 1/2 tsp vanilla
- 1/4 tsp salt
- 1/4 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees, with rack in the middle position.
2. Melt butter in skillet over medium heat, setting aside 2 tbsp in your blender.
3. Add apple wedges to butter in skillet and saute until they soften and get some color. About 5 minutes.
4. While apples are cooking, add milk, flour, eggs, sugar, vanilla and salt to butter in blender and whirl until smooth.
5. When apples are colored and soft, sprinkle with brown sugar and cinnamon, then pour batter over the top of the whole mess.
6. Put the skillet in the hot oven and bake until pancake is puffy and golden, usually 12-15 minutes.
7. Dust with powered sugar and serve with real maple syrup.

And that's it! I was acting like a little kid waiting for Christmas as the timer counted down till the pancake was ready. It smelled divine and tasted even divine-er. I'm such a sucker for good breakfast foods. I'm less bacon and sausage and more of a pancake-y girl myself, though. The real maple syrup really put it over the top. That morning, I realized we were out of syrup, and the kids and I walked down to the snooty co-op down the street. I really hate walking into that place, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and put up with people looking down at you for bringing two perfectly normal kids to a store. The GOOD part of this store is that we were able to bottle our own syrup (the local stuff was cheaper than the Vermont kind) and it tasted delicious.

Just don't be surprised if you find my sneaking down to the kitchen in the middle of the night sneaking syrup...

Hello, long legs.

In case you were wondering, this is his "Daniel Tiger-watching-position."

After posting this picture to Instagram today, I had several people comment on how big Pato is looking. I had to do a double take because I realized they were absolutely right. This kid looks like he's all legs! I blame the camera angle (and those strong Jones genes!), though because this picture would make it seem that he's about 6 foot 7, instead of the little boy who comes up just past my waist. I pray that he is never ever four feet tall. Okay, five. But no more than five. Because then I'll still have an inch on him.

Other goings on around here...a lot and then not very much. Isn't it funny how that goes? Still growing a baby track star in my belly, still trying to figure out where Pato gets his sweetness from, still trying to figure out how to communicate with a four-year-old who thinks she's at least fifteen. Over the Christmas break, my mom kept giving me that, "Oh, you're in for it" look whenever S would say something that was, well, S-like. I get it. She's nuts. But, I love every bit of our little nut case.

recovery mode and bindi irwin makes me cry

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Almost a week late, but whatever.

We came back late (laaaate) Sunday night after spending a few days with our Jones family in Dallas. I kept saying to C, "Wow, this has been SUCH a good trip" the entire time there. We stuffed ourselves with food, and I tell ya...leftover turkey sandwiches with avocado, bacon, and cranberry sauce are almost as good as the main event on Thanksgiving day. The kids loved playing with their cousins, and well, that pretty much just made everything. I could have sat in the airport for four days doing nothing else and it would have been worth it just to see them with family. Mind you, I would have probably been wild-haired-looting the Hudson News candy stash by day two, but it would've been worth it.

And now that we're back, we're still in recovery mode. Pato didn't wake up till after nine our first day back, and I definitely had that, "Um, I really hope he's still breathing" thought. I'm also in "Oh-my-gosh-I-have-to-make-Christmas-memorable-now" mode. I feel like this might be the first Christmas where the kids really start remembering, so I'm trying my best to make it one where the kids don't look back and just remember sitting in front of the TV overdosing on Daniel Tiger and Doc McStuffins.

I'm pretty sure that come January, I'll be dying to take a long luxurious bath to recuperate from the holidays. I mean, I think baths are still a luxurious thing, right? It's been so long...I don't even know, guys. 

ps. Anyone watching Dancing With the Stars? (Don't make fun. I gave up the Kardashians long ago.) But this season! That Bindi Irwin makes me cry EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I actually started crying about a month ago just telling someone about it. I blame the hormones. Or just Bindi. Darn you, Bindi!

Nuna IVVI Stroller...and what we love about it :)

With each passing day, I'm not only noticing my belly getting bigger and bigger, but it's been hitting me how much older my girl is getting. Long gone are the days where we would stay up watching her on the baby monitor as she would often randomly wake up and stare into her dark room without making a sound. Now I have a fully certified little girl with opinions of her own...opinions that she's definitely not afraid to share with us. 

Edamame: yes.

Dogs: no.

Peanut butter and jelly: only on occasion. 

Bunnies: can't get enough of them.

The same goes with J. Just last night, I was singing a song to him, and mentioned how he is still my baby. He quickly corrected me, and said, "But mama! I'm not a baby!" Lately, we've noticed that he's become more attached to his stuffed animals, and often will call them his "childs." Several times a week, he will go as far as put them down for naps; blinds drawn, sound machine on, and his piggy night light set on green. I think this is one of the ways he's getting ready for the new baby. 

We recently received a new stroller and baby cot from Nuna, and the second I put it together, he wanted to put his stuffed animals in! He waited anxiously in the room as I assembled it, which luckily took close to no time at all. I was a little unsure how I'd be able to handle it with the belly in the way, but really, a snap here, a snap there, and it was ready to go. For a second, I kinda felt like superwoman there with all my put-things-together powers :)  

Technically, J is still big enough for it, so he was more than happy to sit in it for its first test run to the playground. It was so chilly outside, that I actually had to convince him to get out of it! (S, of course, needed no convincing because she just loves being outdoors. He (and I) thought it was so fun that it could easily go from forward facing to backwards facing, and I'm already so excited for when we get to use it with the new little guy!

S actually was a big fan of the baby cot attachment. As soon as I took it out of the box, she quickly ran upstairs and said, "Don't go anywhere! I have the perrrrfect thing for it!" She came down with a little pillow for it and proudly said, "See! When the baby comes i'll give him the pillow and he can lay in there! It will be so great!!"

Right now, Nuna is running an awesome deal for Black Friday where they are including the cot for free (!!!) when you purchase an IVVI stroller from Nuna.eu! The deal starts tomorrow (11/25) and runs through Monday (11/30). There are so many little things about it that I keep finding. You know when you go, "Ohhh, that's awesome! Oohs I LOVE how it reclines! And the canopy!" Things that I never imagined saying ten years ago!

I tell ya. I really am already dreaming of those days when I can push this little baby along for walks. It goes by so quickly. Too much so.

Oh, and hey there feet! Glad you're still there!

*Thank you, Nuna, for partnering with us! 

Breaking the silence with muffins.

Breaking the silence over here. Feels like several times a year, I go on a bit of a blog hiatus. And I always feel like I have to do that "I'm sorry for being gone for so long" thing. But, I've had several friends tell me lately that I need to stop apologizing things for so much, so I'm not going to do that. C's Granny is a bit like that. During our college days, C and I would go over to her house for Sunday dinners. Her meals were always delicious and warm...not warm as in temperature (although, they were that) but also warm as in "this feels like home" warm. Without fail, every week she would apologize for her "meager" meals, and we had to reassure her that she needn't apologize, and that it was much a luxurious alternative to the Hamburger Helper that we'd probably be making for ourselves anyway. (Not that I'm dissing Hamburger Helper. I will proudly admit that C and I are secretly big fans of it on occasion. And I only feel a little guilt about that.) 

Anywho. In fact, I've had a very good reason for this break. Baby number three is on the way, and the first trimester really threw me for a loop. And by loop, I mean it feels like someone threw me into a washing machine on the heavy duty cycle. But, more about that later. 

So, since my last post, not only have we added to our family, but also moved all the way across the country. Philly is home for now, and we're really growing to love it. It has certainly been an adjustment from our life back in Williamsburg, and I'm pretty sure that as hard as I try, I'll never stop mourning the loss of having a Trader Joe's five minutes away from me. 

We are adjusting to our life here and finding our groove. I think we almost have it down now. It's certainly not fast paced or glamorous, but I doubt we'll ever have much of those options anyway. I love our mornings where we have nothing planned except to make breakfast together. The muffins pictured were ones S and I whipped up last week. Now, I'll admit, I've never actually made muffins from scratch. Scratch that. I've never made berry muffins from absolute scratch. I may never again because these were so delicious! I'll be adding the recipe at the bottom, lest you think I actually whipped these up in my brain. HA. Now that would be something. 

So, here's to more blog posts and more muffins!

Blackberry Muffins: from SimplyRecipes 

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 Tbsp baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

2 large eggs

1 cup sour cream (I used vanilla yogurt instead) 

1 teaspoon milk

1 cup sugar

8 Tbsp warm melted butter (1 stick)

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/2 cups (about 5-6 oz) of fresh blackberries, cut in half (often available at Trader Joe's, you can use frozen blackberries if fresh are not available, defrost and drain them first.) (I also threw in some fresh raspberries)

Method

* Position rack in center of oven. Preheat oven to 400°F. Grease a standard 12 muffin pan or line with paper muffin cups. (Actually, with the berries you'll have more batter than just for 12 muffins. This batch made 18 muffins.)

* Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in a large bowl.

* In a separate bowl, whisk together eggs, sour cream, milk, sugar, butter and vanilla.

* Add the wet mixture to the dry mixture and mix together with a few light strokes, just until the dry ingredients are moistened. Add the berries. (If you are using frozen berries, defrost them first, then drain the excess liquid, then coat them lightly in flour.) Do not overmix! Overmixing will cause the muffins to be dense, not fluffy. The batter should not be smooth.

* Divide the batter evenly among the muffin cups. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the middle of 1 or 2 of the muffins comes out clean, 17-20 minutes (or longer). Let cool for 2 to 3 minutes before removing from the pan. If not serving hot, let cool on a rack.

Serve as soon as possible, preferably within a few hours of baking. (This wasn't a problem. We ate ALL of them within a few hours!)

Mama

Mama.

I remember really being hit with the fact that I was a mama to a tiny little person when they wheeled me out of the hospital after having S. It was hot, dreadfully humid, and it hurt for me to even turn from one side of the bed to the other. But, I was on cloud nine. As I watched my husband put her carseat into our car, I looked back at the hospital where I had just spent the last three days and thought, "Wait! Hold on. Wheel me back in there! You're just going to let us LEAVE with her?? You know we've never DONE this before, right? What kind of real hospital are you to just let people walk out with babies?!"

Thank goodness we had help from people that knew what they were doing. And when you set the bar low, like "Okay, let's first work on just keeping her alive for now" low, it turns out you can surpass your own expectations pretty quickly.

Back to mama.

I tell ya. Sometimes, I wish my kids would call me annnnything but that. Call me any name under the sun- just don't say "mama" for one entire minute.

One time, I decided just for kicks, I'd count how many times I heard my kids say "mama" on the ride home from church. It was pretty close to twenty, and the ride was about fifteen minutes long. I think the average is much higher other times.

And there are so many ways of saying it, aren't there?

Here are just a few I came up with:

"Mama! Do you know where my Lightning McQueen issssss??" He only loses it like a million times a day.

There is also...

"Mamaaaaa....pleassssse! I want to paint my nails nowwwww." Did I mention we are now the proud new owners of a pink nailed-polished blanket. (Just grin and smile. Grin and smile!)

Oh, and you can't forget the...

"Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. MAMA. Watch me! ARE YOU WATCHING?!"

But then, there are the "mama's" that make your heart almost skip a beat.

"Mama. Will you cuddle me?"

Lastly, my all time favorite: "I love you, mama."

And doesn't it just get ya when they tell you that you love you after you've had a particular crummy day where you didn't exactly nail it in the mama department? It's like they know.

Last but not least, there's just "mama."

This morning, S came quietly into our room saying that she didn't feel well. She crawled up next to me, and just said, "mama." She said it in a way that I knew she hurt and I knew she needed me. So she laid with her head on my chest for the next hour or so, and I just held my little girl. I kept repeating, "I'm right here, baby," as I stroked her hair.

I am the luckiest to have two amazing little people call me "mama." Sure, sometimes I feel like my day is like a broken record of "mama's" but there's no other name that is more important to me. Inevitably, they'll outgrow the "mama" phase and move on to just calling me "mom" and that's okay, too. But, I'll forever treasure these mama days, and remind myself that they're short, so I'll take every version of "mama" I can get.

***

"Mama" necklace c/o Leila. You can find the exact necklace here. I haven't taken it off since I got it :) I'm a sentimental sap like that.