What Could Have Been

This girl. She is silly. She is curious. She is constantly looking out for others. She is passionate and already loves so deeply. 

Maybe it's because her third birthday is not too far away, or maybe I blame her bangs for making her look all grown up, but everyday I notice more and more how her baby and toddler days are behind us. 

Today, as she sat across from me at lunch, insisting on drinking the tall glass of water all by herself, I suddenly found myself thinking, "What if it were just the two of us?"

It has not happened a ton, but from time to time I wonder what life would be life if Pato hadn't come along as quickly as he did. Would I have decided to work part-time? Would S and I go out for lunch more often? Would I be more patient with her? Would I actually be able to keep up with the laundry? (Oh, wait, I can answer that...no.)

I used to have a lot of guilt. I worried that she wasn't getting enough one-on-one time with me. I worried that the one year we did have together wouldn't be enough for me. I worried that she was missing out on things simply because I didn't have it in me to take them both out by myself to new places.

And then...this happens. I am so fortunate that this is really a daily occurrence.  Multiple times a day, they find each other, and in their own way, show their love. Oh, yes. They fight. I can't figure out why they always want to play with the same exact thing. They scream, and there's sometimes even hair pulling.

When they're not fighting, they play and and laugh and dance together. I can't make this stuff up. Here they are playing horse-y in the middle of the post office. 

I love to listen to them talk to one another. J has been picking up on so many words lately, and I think it's because he just wants to keep up with his sister. S will often tell me what he wants, and I've found myself asking her, "What did he just say?" 

So, yes. Maybe I'd get more done, and maybe I would have lots of amazing memories with just my little girl, but I'm glad that a different plan was in store for us. I'm glad that Pato surprised us because he was the best surprise of our lives.