Confession

Monday, June 17, 2013

I was looking through these pictures from last week, and it made me think of just how much I love this little guy. Did you know that while I was pregnant with him, every day that would go by I worried that I wouldn't love him as much as S? I knew I would love him, but I thought that I couldn't possibly love another child as much as S. I would pray so hard with tears running down my face that I please, please would love this baby.

And here's another confession. I think part of the reason I was so worried is because when I found out I was pregnant with J I was kind of mad. Sometimes a lot mad. He was our little surprise miracle (and I say miracle because really, there were more than a few factors that were working against me getting pregnant) that came just a bit too early than I had wanted. Before, I had wanted my 2-3 years to devote to my baby girl. I felt like having another baby would take me away from her. And she was just a tiny baby herself! How dare another baby come and take me away from her! (I know...some of these thoughts sound absurd and mean.) It was a very hard time for me.

But then J came along, and as C has put it before, I was happy again. I loved this boy with all my being. Our family needed him right right now. He brings more stability to our family, and certainly more happiness. And I know I sound crazy, but had I known what it would be like...what it IS like right now, I would do it all over again. 

Want to hear another crazy thing? With all our traveling, little man is still having trouble sleeping all the way through the night. (S spoiled us by always being a super champion sleeper.) He usually gets up once a night, and I honestly can't even bring myself to complain. When S woke up at this age I would think, "Ugh! Why are you waking up? I just want to sleep without being interrupted tonight." But, with him, I actually get excited for him to wake up at night! (Once, I really enjoy. More than that...eh. Thank goodness that rarely happens.) I love the quiet time we have together, and even when it's dark I can tell he's flashing a big cheesy teethy smile at me.

2 comments:

  1. I love you guys and I love reading your blog. You're an awesome mom.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is precious. And those pictures are so sweet! I would love to have my first two close together if I can manage it!

    RebeccawithanR

    ReplyDelete

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