Thursday, May 30, 2013

Challenge: React to this term: Letting go.

There was a time in my life where I had a lot of anger and a lot of hurt in my heart. Don't get me wrong...I was still very very happy and some of the greatest things in my life occurred during this time. 

But, when everything was quiet at the end of the day and things stood still...hurt and sadness crept up on me and that little unwelcome knot would appear in my throat. I'd try to fight that little knot, but others times that little knot won and I would find myself bawling and bawling.

Like I said, anger accompanied my hurt. I would say out loud, "I am just. so. mad." As if that would help...not. I told myself that I didn't need to surround myself with such negativity and that I was somehow above it. But doing this was like putting a little bandaid on too deep of a wound.

I don't know how long it took for me to finally let go...I think it was kind of gradual. But, when it happened, it was beautiful and liberating.

I had made a decision. I had decided that I needed to replace my anger with love. Unconditional love. The kind of love where you love enough to see past someone's faults. The kind of love that your throw yourself full speed into, leaving behind your pain and hurt and anger. The only way I can describe is like when your child is just so frustrated about something, and you know they need a hug. You go to hug them, but they just want to lay on the floor and cry. They try to wiggle out of your arms, but you hug them tight, as if you could squeeze the frustration out of them. And then they give in to your hug and hug you back. Does that make sense at all to anyone besides me?

That amazing action is called forgiveness. I forgave. I thought I had forgiven before, but I hadn't. I hadn't followed that forgiveness with love. And when I did, that huge weight came off my shoulders. I physically could feel that weight lift off of me...and I was happy all the time. That silent still moment at the end of the day? I wasn't mad or sad anymore. The knot was gone. 

I had let go. And I've never looked back to that ugly place.


Gage said...

Karim, you are amazing. Your writing is just beautiful and this message is just what I needed today. Thank you so much for sharing this! Forgiving others - truly forgiving them - is one of the ways we can get closest to Christ. I really believe that. Thanks for reminding me :)

Karim Jones said...

You're so nice! I love that you're so honest in your blog, and I'm trying to be more so here. And trust me, I still have to remind myself daily to forgive others. I'm a work in progress :)

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