Monday, May 20, 2013

Challenge: Get real. Share something you're struggling with.

(Before I go on...yes, I skipped yesterday. It was the end of the day and I was spending time with C. Blogging was on the back burner. I don't feel terrible as yesterday's post was to list my five favorite blogs. To be honest, I actually don't have any blogs I check frequently enough...certainly not five. Doesn't mean there aren't a lot of great ones out there. So, we're just gonna skip that one. 

Actually, I take that back. Head on over to my friend Janae's blog: A Hungry Runner Girl. She is a runner and I don't know much about running, but she's kind of a big deal. She gorgeous AND sweet. I check out her blog because a) her baby girl is the darling-est thing and b) she posts food pictures. And I love food. Her chicken enchilada soup was the last thing I ate before I went into labor.)

Back to today's challenge.

Something I'm struggling with. Easy. Being a good mom. Particularly to S. I used to think moms were magically just good at everything. I've learned that it really is a daily effort. It's a daily effort because some days your babies are going to be dreamy and smiley all day long. On these days I actually feel like patting myself on the back. Some days, they both decide to want nothing but you (I kind of love this.) 

This week has been a bit harder. J is teething (S never seemed to have issues with teething) and since he is normally such a smiley happy baby, that when he's not, I'm sort of taken aback. Poor baby has three coming in at the same time and we're all trying to hang in there. 

S is still her normal kind of moody self. I think this week has been harder because it's so hot outside, and she loves being outdoors. I try to take her outside to play in the morning when it's less hot, but it seems to wear both of us out. She's at the age now where she and J are interested in playing different things. So, today she and I had a girl date and bought some learning toys that were more for her age level. After her nap, we colored, played with stickers, sorted and played with her magnetic letters. She was getting good at picking out the o's and we're working on the letter "s." It was so much fun to do all these things with her while Pato napped. She loves the one-on-one time. 

There are so many things I love about S. She is observant, curious, passionate, funny, and silly. She cuddles now and gives the sweetest kisses smack dab on your lips. At least once a day she'll come sit on my lap and we will give each other kisses and say, "mas! mas!" (More) And we laugh about it. We like to play in her room and make music. J thinks she's hilarious when she claps her little cymbals. These moments are perfect. And then there are the the times she comes up to me out of nowhere, puts her face inches away from mine, gives me THE hugest smile and stares into my eyes. Really really stares as if to yell, "Gosh, I love you mami. You're great!" (Okay, I'm sure that's just what I wish she were saying.)

Then there's the not so easy side. You see, S is a little touchy. Moody. Her own little person.  She will now smile at strangers pretty regularly, but doesn't like it when people get too close. Who she feels comfortable with is totally random. There is a girl at our church who is eleven, and S loved her immediately. They looked at each other and S looked like she had just seen an old friend. Two weeks ago S went to nursery and she felt totally comfortable with one of the nursery workers she had never met, and never left his side. There really are only a handful of people who she feels comfortable with. Sometimes I wish we could go out and she would be that happy smiley little girl who charms the socks off of others. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't get so frustrated when she doesn't get things done just right. Sometimes I wish she had another volume other than "really loud." Sometimes I wish  I didn't have to worry about every time I went out, "Is she going to be okay? Will she cause a scene? Is she in a good enough mood?" 

I struggle with letting my kids be who they are, trying to help them be good kids, and not pushing them into being what I think would be "perfect."

I've talked to a lot of different moms, and I've gotten a lot of great advice. The one that hit me the most was from a woman I admire greatly. She told me this: "Just love her. Give her a hug." 

I think about this every single day. When S is having a particularly hard time, I bring her so close to me, hug her tightly, and whisper, "I love you, baby."

I'll just keep hugging that girl and love everything that makes her my little S, my little shadow, my little best friend.

*Anecdote from the week. Like I mentioned before, S is pretty loud. We've been teaching her to be quiet by saying things like, "Shhh! Time to be quiet while baby sleeps!" She then puts her finger up to her lips and says, "Ssssss!" At church we kept telling her to be quieter. After the sacrament was passed she yelled, "Thank you!" It was loud, but that girl at least has manners! 

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